I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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