can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
