I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.