I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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