I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
