You made me cry and you don't even care
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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