Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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