I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
this is an emotional support booty call
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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