woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
