Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
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my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
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Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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