dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
