If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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