My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
