It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
