thus making me awesome and them whores
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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