Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
