so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
