I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He felt like a one man threesome
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she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize