Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
