Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
