Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
