just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
