This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
