Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
