mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
