Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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