Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
