I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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