took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
