at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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