you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
