In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
