if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
