Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Dear god my vagina.
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