my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
