i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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