He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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