i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
