I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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