operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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