I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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