you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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