1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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