I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
