we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
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i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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