found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
