I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it because I queefed?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
