Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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