You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
