Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
