You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
