I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
