No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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