I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
