What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
