no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I supernannyed him into submission
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
