hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
