billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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