dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
