Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
