everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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