I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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