i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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