Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
