She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
