it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
