Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
