I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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