I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
