living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
