i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
