Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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