My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
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What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You're a waste of cheezeits
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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