Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
