i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
