i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
