the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
only if we run a train.
done.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
