We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
