You work out of a Hotel?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
